Never Trust a Big Butt and a Smile: My Favorite (Non) Jock Jam (File under: This is Awesome!!)

As we get BYOJJ underway, I am introducing a bi-weekly feature entitled “Jock Jam Payday.” Basically, every payday, I am going to have a blog post about a great jock jam. But on this inaugural Jock Jam Payday, I am highlighting a song that is not technically a jock jam. But in my heart of hearts, it oughta be. [Read: I would totally want you to bring this song to my jock jam party.]

Let’s do a little research on jock jams to set the stage. Truth be told, I did not actually do any research on jock jams until after I started this blog, because I assumed I was already an expert. Not so! According to Wikipedia: “Jock Jams is a series of compilation records released by Tommy Boy Records. It featured music from the mid-1990s that mainly consisted of classic 1980s and 1990s dance music. It also had some house music, hip-hop, classic disco music, megamix music, and some cheerleaders and other sports(wo)men saying phrases." I particularly like the part about “some cheerleaders and other sports (wo)men saying phrases.” Good work, random Wikipedia poster!

So apparently, a song can only be a jock jam if it appears on one of the six, count ‘em, SIX jock jam compilations. I figure I can keep this blog going for like three years with Jock Jam Payday before I have written about every jock jam. At which point either this blog is going to be totally famous and it will be a serious crisis that I have run out of jock jams, or I will have abandoned the effort due to the fact that most people aren’t even into jock jams. [Note: I promise this blog isn’t all about jock jams.]

But I digress. This post is about the very finest song of the 90s that might be considered a jock jam if you use a really loose definition and don’t expect to see it on an actual jock jams complication. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Poison, by Bell Biv DeVoe. Many a dance floor has been violated by my love for this song. In case you somehow have not listened to Poison recently, please refresh your memory. And enjoy this fine-ass video with some of the most excellent dance moves from the 90s:

I have attempted to learn literally every move in this video.

History lesson time. Technically, Poison is in the style of New Jack Swing, a hybrid of R&B and hip hop. Quick protest: VH1 named Poison #60 on its Best Songs of the 90s countdown. VH1, surely you must be kidding. The top three songs of the 90s, according to VH1, are Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana, One by U2, and I freaking Want it That Way by the Backstreet Boys. Seriously?! (In case this discussion has sparked an interest in VH1's top 100 songs of the 90s, here you go.) Anyway, New Jack Swing produced some really fine tunes by artists such as Keith Sweat, Tony! Toni! Tone!, Boyz II Men, and Color Me Badd. But only one such tune featured the line “Never trust a big butt and a smile.” Check. Mate. Fun fact: Bell Biv DeVoe is a spin-off of New Edition, the popular R&B group featuring Bobby Brown, Johnny Gill (OMG “Rub You the Right Way”) and Bell, Bivens and DeVoe. Producers suggested that Bell, Bivens and DeVoe form a trio, and their debut album Poison went triple platinum. And the rest is history.

Poison’s greatest attribute is that it makes you want to dance like whoa! At my dear friend Katie’s wedding, a dance circle was formed when Poison came on (I may or may not have danced in it. Wait. It may or may not have been formed because of me. Damn you, open bar!). I don’t even LIKE the TV show Scrubs but I certainly do like this clip of Turk dancing to Poison:

And that particular clip influenced the forming of Mercy Flush, a dance group consisting of me and my favorite dance partner/meanest rollergirl Grave Danger. We’ve danced to Poison in pretty much every state where the Arch Rival Roller Girls have played roller derby. Here’s a clip to take you out:

So take 99 cents from your paycheck on this Jock Jams Payday, go to iTunes, and send BBD a little love. You know I have!